THE GOOD-MANNERED THIEF

Dear Sir/Madam,

Re: Advance Warning on Forthcoming Operations in Your Area

My name is Coronavirus. My friends call me COVID-19.

I have recently started breaking into houses and stealing valuables in your neighbourhood 24/7.

My preferred mode of entry is through unlocked doors and windows. Chimneys are messy, but are occasionally the only option.

You can’t see me coming because I’m invisible, although you may be able to see some changes in your neighbours when I’ve hit them (cough, fever, sore throat, chest pains, difficulty in breathing, high temperature – that sort of thing).

Being a thief who keeps his word, I want to assure you that I will only come into your property through your door, window or chimney if you leave them open. No nasty surprises there!

If you want to find out more about my work, just turn on your radio or TV. You can also Google my name. What you have heard about me is real. It’s not a question of whether I will come round, but when. It’s just that I’ve been very busy lately.

I am coming for your life but I am a reasonable virus. All I ask is that you show me some respect.

You can do that in the following ways:

Do:

Wash your hands with soap and water often – do this for at least 20 seconds
Always wash your hands when you get home or into work
Use hand sanitizer gel if soap and water are not available
Cover your mouth and nose with a tissue or your sleeve (not your hands) when you cough or sneeze
Put used tissues in the bin straight away and wash your hands afterwards
Try to avoid close contact with people who are unwell
Stay at home and avoid close contact with other people
Drink plenty of water
Take extra care around old people and those with longstanding disease

Don’t: